marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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