ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
