"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
