Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
