Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
