1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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