that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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