you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
