walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
