Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
