yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
