Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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