saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
