She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
