Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
