I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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