Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
