so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
