shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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