So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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