Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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