Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
