The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
