i just identified you from a description of your pipe
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
