This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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