mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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