i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
