Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
