my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
