how can u be prego again
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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