A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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