What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
