Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
