she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
