if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
