do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
