Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
