I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
