I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
