I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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