Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
