it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
