ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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