Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
