im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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