just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
