all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
