Got a toothbrush?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
