Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
