my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Be still, my beating vagina.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
