In the future we'll all be gay
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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