my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
