I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
