I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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